i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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