This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
