I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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