She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
