they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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