i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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