I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
