i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
