Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
