Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
