He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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