i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
