Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
