So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
