now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
