im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
