My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
