someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
