we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
