Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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