I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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