how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Randomize
