He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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