You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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