I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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