toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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