my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
