If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
