Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
