I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
