I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it hurts more in the daytime
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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