so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
