i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
BRING THE BAGELS
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
