Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
