yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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