wakey wakey hands off snakey
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
