I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
