Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
