i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
