i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
