i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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