I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
