if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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