Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
