Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
