What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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