love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
