ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
