Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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