The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
