So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's rum buckets o'clock
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
