i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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