laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
